Found myself eating cold pizza over the sink again and figured maybe it’s time to trick people into thinking I have my shit together. This bowl looks fancy but requires minimal brain cells – perfect for when you’re one more “live laugh love” post away from losing it.
Shit You Need
- Any grain you’ve got (rice/quinoa/that ancient couscous from when you thought you’d meal prep)
- Half an avocado (use the other half tomorrow lmao jk we both know it’ll be brown)
- Protein of choice (tofu/chicken/literally whatever’s not expired)
- Handful of greens (the ones that aren’t totally wilted yet)
- Whatever vegetable isn’t crying in your crisper drawer
- Sesame seeds if you’re feeling fancy
- Soy sauce + sriracha (because we’re not animals)
- Lemon juice (bottled is fine, I’m not your mom)
How Not to F*ck This Up
- Cook your grain according to package directions or whatever
- While that’s happening, chop literally everything else
- Throw grain in bowl
- Arrange other stuff on top in sections like you’re some kind of food influencer
- Drizzle with sauces in a zigzag because we’re pretending to be functional adults
Save Your Ass Tips
- Microwaveable rice packets are your friend
- Buy pre-chopped vegetables when life is garbage
- Keep some smoked tofu around – it’s already cooked and lasts forever
Goes Well With
- The validation you’re not getting from your therapist
- That one clean fork you saved for emergencies
- The smugness of posting this on social media
Stay barely functional, Someone who found out Buddha wasn’t actually obsessed with bowls
P.S. Martha Stewart would never and that’s exactly the point